22nd November 2013

“Come a little bit closer, hear what I have to say. Just like children sleeping, we could dream this night away… Because I’m still in love with you, on this harvest moon.”

Harvest Moon, Neil Young

*New-Favourite-Song-Alert*, well a rather old song that is probably also my father’s favourite song, but I can’t get it out of my head.

7th July 2013

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” 

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I have quoted this chapter of The Prophet before, but it is a book I have read again recently – for me it seems to be one of those that I dip into time after time when I want some philosophical viewpoints on something. And there is just something about the way Gibran words his thoughts that I seem to understand and find useful. For example here, whenever I am sad, I remember that more often than not I am sad about something that once made me happy. It can’t be so bad then, can it?

7th June 2013

“Promise me you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would, I’d never leave.” 

A. A Milne, Winnie the Pooh, The House at Pooh Corner

Recently I have had to and will have to say many goodbyes/ farewells to a lot of people who are very important to me. I won’t be forgetting any of them anytime soon; feeling really rather sad.

1st May 2013

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” 

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

It’s the first of May and a beautiful summer-y day. Feeling very content today, despite looming exams and a little pile of work; it’s good to feel like this.

23rd April 2013

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.”

Mark Twain

In 20 years time, I’ll be 40 years old. Scary. Better heed Mr Twain’s advice sooner than later!

21st April 2013

“Open the windows
For, the kind breeze is celebrating the birthday of the beautiful flowers
And spring,
On each and every branches
Close to each young leaf,
Has turned on lovely candles!

All swallows have come back
Singing the lovely song of freshness

Our narrow street is filled with spring songs
And the cherry trees
Are all blossoms
To celebrate the birthday of every flower”

Fereydoon Moshiri, Believe in the Spring

This poem popped up on my twitter yesterday via a friend and I thought it very fitting for the long-awaited, beautifully sunny weekend we’ve been having. It’s amazing what some sunshine does to us!

10th April 2013. Confessions of an adult drama queen.

“Don’t forget to love yourself.”

Soren Kierkegaard

So I have a feeling that this is going to be quite a confessional post. I’ve spent a while trying to work myself out. By a while, I mean a long time. I guess we all do it on a subconscious level – try to make sense of things, but recently I’ve made a concerted effort to try and figure out what is going on in this old head of mine. I’m aware that I’m already sounding a bit strange. I won’t blame you if you stop reading. The result: I am none the wiser.

There are things I know: I like to people please, I find it difficult to let people down. I get easily upset if something isn’t right in my personal relationships. I get angry if someone upsets a person I love (and usually hold an unspoken grudge against said someone.) I like to be in control. I like to plan. I don’t like to go with the flow, unless I know I’ll be going with the flow – I know, edging on weirdo. I realised I’m a bit of a romantic and I fall for things quickly and easily, whether they are people or ideas or books or food (especially food), you get the idea. I don’t tend to reveal much of what I feel unless I mean to. Once I start to care about something or someone, there usually isn’t much going back for me, and letting go of it becomes a long, hard process. I don’t like being given presents or being bought stuff. Yep, full blown weirdo. Don’t get me wrong, I like presents. I like stuff. But I don’t like the actual ‘being given’ part of these things (unless from my parents, they are allowed.)

There are things I don’t know: Why I instinctively mother nearly, almost everyone – even my own mother. Why sometimes I think so far ahead that I stress myself out. Why I only enjoy eating custard cold. Why I mentally attempt to cover all bases of possibility. I mean, that’s the reason I carry the world in my handbag. Antihistamines? Hand cream? A plaster? Yep I got it; I’ve got all of the things. Why I can handle a 2 hour train journey, but a 2 hour car journey feels like time never moves. Why I have days where I feel so out of my depth- which is silly, because I have every day covered: my handbag is stocked with everything, remember? Why, sometimes, if something goes wrong, it can feel like the world has imploded, even though the world is fine and I can usually be found cocooning in my duvet, feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, I wonder why I spend time thinking about these things and trying to work myself out – I can only ever really be what I’m going to be, correct? And I think perhaps the trick to figuring out some of the things I don’t know, is just accepting and embracing them. Maybe even loving them.

This was quite an honest post for me, and it was not easy to write. There are things I have not written about; they are more for my thoughts only. I think I am more comfortable having people who know me well read this. But to you strangers who stuck with me through that episode of rhetorical verbal diarrhea, I assure you I am (usually) sane and well.