7th July 2013

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” 

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I have quoted this chapter of The Prophet before, but it is a book I have read again recently – for me it seems to be one of those that I dip into time after time when I want some philosophical viewpoints on something. And there is just something about the way Gibran words his thoughts that I seem to understand and find useful. For example here, whenever I am sad, I remember that more often than not I am sad about something that once made me happy. It can’t be so bad then, can it?

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4th July 2013

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”

Seneca

So on my flight back from the aforementioned trip, I was reading my book – nothing special, just some easy girly reading – and I randomly had a moment of thought. I’m not sure whether to call it a realisation, or an acceptance or maybe even a moment of enlightenment but I think my trip gave me the space to see that just because one part of my life is over, it doesn’t mean it has to be an ‘end’, rather just a small chapter leading to a new one. For me, finishing my second year and going on a year abroad will be a massive change – and one that I have felt uncertain about before – but this change now feels like less of a threat to me than it once did.

10th April 2013. Confessions of an adult drama queen.

“Don’t forget to love yourself.”

Soren Kierkegaard

So I have a feeling that this is going to be quite a confessional post. I’ve spent a while trying to work myself out. By a while, I mean a long time. I guess we all do it on a subconscious level – try to make sense of things, but recently I’ve made a concerted effort to try and figure out what is going on in this old head of mine. I’m aware that I’m already sounding a bit strange. I won’t blame you if you stop reading. The result: I am none the wiser.

There are things I know: I like to people please, I find it difficult to let people down. I get easily upset if something isn’t right in my personal relationships. I get angry if someone upsets a person I love (and usually hold an unspoken grudge against said someone.) I like to be in control. I like to plan. I don’t like to go with the flow, unless I know I’ll be going with the flow – I know, edging on weirdo. I realised I’m a bit of a romantic and I fall for things quickly and easily, whether they are people or ideas or books or food (especially food), you get the idea. I don’t tend to reveal much of what I feel unless I mean to. Once I start to care about something or someone, there usually isn’t much going back for me, and letting go of it becomes a long, hard process. I don’t like being given presents or being bought stuff. Yep, full blown weirdo. Don’t get me wrong, I like presents. I like stuff. But I don’t like the actual ‘being given’ part of these things (unless from my parents, they are allowed.)

There are things I don’t know: Why I instinctively mother nearly, almost everyone – even my own mother. Why sometimes I think so far ahead that I stress myself out. Why I only enjoy eating custard cold. Why I mentally attempt to cover all bases of possibility. I mean, that’s the reason I carry the world in my handbag. Antihistamines? Hand cream? A plaster? Yep I got it; I’ve got all of the things. Why I can handle a 2 hour train journey, but a 2 hour car journey feels like time never moves. Why I have days where I feel so out of my depth- which is silly, because I have every day covered: my handbag is stocked with everything, remember? Why, sometimes, if something goes wrong, it can feel like the world has imploded, even though the world is fine and I can usually be found cocooning in my duvet, feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, I wonder why I spend time thinking about these things and trying to work myself out – I can only ever really be what I’m going to be, correct? And I think perhaps the trick to figuring out some of the things I don’t know, is just accepting and embracing them. Maybe even loving them.

This was quite an honest post for me, and it was not easy to write. There are things I have not written about; they are more for my thoughts only. I think I am more comfortable having people who know me well read this. But to you strangers who stuck with me through that episode of rhetorical verbal diarrhea, I assure you I am (usually) sane and well.

20th January 2012

“The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.”

Arthur Schopenhauer

I have been stuck in my room at uni for about three days thanks to the snow, uni shutting down and to revision. I felt myself going a little insane earlier (I guess that’s what 72 hours of linguistics does to you) so I went out for a long walk in the snow to try and retain some of my sanity.

19th September 2012

“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked…When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I absolutely adored reading Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet; I thought there was an amazing clarity in the way Gibran philosophised different aspects of life. It made me consider things in a new and different way. This is one of my favourite quotes from the book, and no matter which way I consider it, I find the words to be true to some sort of  extent. At the moment (and probably for a long time to come), the things that make me feel sad or sorrowful are also the things that have made so, extremely happy and content. It kind of vicious circle though, because no matter which way you look at it, to have the happy times you’ll have to have the sad at some point or other (how annoying!)