28th August 2013

 “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 

Lao Tzu

I think I am going to need to keep reminding myself of this over the coming days and weeks. Today marks one of the biggest changes in my life so far – my move to France for the year- and I hope that I have enough courage in me to adapt to and welcome the change. Wish me luck!

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14th July 2013

“I almost wish we were butterflies and liv’d but three summer days – three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.” 

John Keats, Bright Star: Love letters and poems of John Keats to Fanny Browne.

I thought this was a beautiful quote in a few ways – from the lovely, summery imagery to the meaning behind Keats’ words. Our weather has been gorgeous at the moment and our garden has been full of butterflies and pretty flowers!

7th July 2013

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” 

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I have quoted this chapter of The Prophet before, but it is a book I have read again recently – for me it seems to be one of those that I dip into time after time when I want some philosophical viewpoints on something. And there is just something about the way Gibran words his thoughts that I seem to understand and find useful. For example here, whenever I am sad, I remember that more often than not I am sad about something that once made me happy. It can’t be so bad then, can it?

27th May 2013

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” 

Victoria Holt

This is a quote I’ve had sitting in my drafts box since April 3rd; I’ve wanted to post it up for a while but I think now is the right time to do so for me. Regrets can be the worst things ever, ever, ever so I think this is a better, more positive way to regard decisions and actions..

 

 

10th April 2013. Confessions of an adult drama queen.

“Don’t forget to love yourself.”

Soren Kierkegaard

So I have a feeling that this is going to be quite a confessional post. I’ve spent a while trying to work myself out. By a while, I mean a long time. I guess we all do it on a subconscious level – try to make sense of things, but recently I’ve made a concerted effort to try and figure out what is going on in this old head of mine. I’m aware that I’m already sounding a bit strange. I won’t blame you if you stop reading. The result: I am none the wiser.

There are things I know: I like to people please, I find it difficult to let people down. I get easily upset if something isn’t right in my personal relationships. I get angry if someone upsets a person I love (and usually hold an unspoken grudge against said someone.) I like to be in control. I like to plan. I don’t like to go with the flow, unless I know I’ll be going with the flow – I know, edging on weirdo. I realised I’m a bit of a romantic and I fall for things quickly and easily, whether they are people or ideas or books or food (especially food), you get the idea. I don’t tend to reveal much of what I feel unless I mean to. Once I start to care about something or someone, there usually isn’t much going back for me, and letting go of it becomes a long, hard process. I don’t like being given presents or being bought stuff. Yep, full blown weirdo. Don’t get me wrong, I like presents. I like stuff. But I don’t like the actual ‘being given’ part of these things (unless from my parents, they are allowed.)

There are things I don’t know: Why I instinctively mother nearly, almost everyone – even my own mother. Why sometimes I think so far ahead that I stress myself out. Why I only enjoy eating custard cold. Why I mentally attempt to cover all bases of possibility. I mean, that’s the reason I carry the world in my handbag. Antihistamines? Hand cream? A plaster? Yep I got it; I’ve got all of the things. Why I can handle a 2 hour train journey, but a 2 hour car journey feels like time never moves. Why I have days where I feel so out of my depth- which is silly, because I have every day covered: my handbag is stocked with everything, remember? Why, sometimes, if something goes wrong, it can feel like the world has imploded, even though the world is fine and I can usually be found cocooning in my duvet, feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, I wonder why I spend time thinking about these things and trying to work myself out – I can only ever really be what I’m going to be, correct? And I think perhaps the trick to figuring out some of the things I don’t know, is just accepting and embracing them. Maybe even loving them.

This was quite an honest post for me, and it was not easy to write. There are things I have not written about; they are more for my thoughts only. I think I am more comfortable having people who know me well read this. But to you strangers who stuck with me through that episode of rhetorical verbal diarrhea, I assure you I am (usually) sane and well.